Made it to Magnolia

The girls (Mandy, Josie and Lucky) and I made it to Magnolia for our vacation time.   The drive time was 16 hours and a few extra minutes.   The girls were really good, they got to stop in Alabama at Peggy’s and meet her princess Belle.   They even scored a new bed with Unicorns and Rainbows.

I got to visit with my Aunt Jeanette yesterday for a while.  Headed to Wal Mart and Brookshires to gather supplies for our stay.   Planning on cooking a whole chicken with gravy and mashed potatoes.   Also, picked up a turkey breast that I’ll cook in a few days.  Not sure what the rest of the menu will hold.

Went to mom’s grave and looked at her tombstone.  It still doesn’t seem real that she’s gone.   Everywhere I look there are still memories (great ones at that).   I’m still so lucky to have had both my parents.   I wish I could have had them longer.  

I look around the house here and I remember so much of my life as a child and even an adult.   The cabinets in the house my dad made, and mom stained.  The drop ceiling in the kitchen my dad put in, paintings on the walls that mom painted.   I look at the flowers in the yard that mom took such pride and joy in, I remember her getting some from other people and cultivating them.   The roses are in bloom, her gladiolas which was a favorite of Dad’s is in bloom. 

This morning I was up at 4:30am, was going to walk but decided to stay inside and have coffee instead.  I went out and saw a beautiful pink sky and the nice cool 65 degree weather.   Of course later today the air conditioners will be going full force.

Not much of a post today, but hopefully it will be better this week as I go through things here.

A New Start on Newcastle

New Start on Newcastle

Mom and Dad started life together in a trailer on Newcastle Road on the South side of Oklahoma City.  Dad was working at the Steel Mill on SW 15^th and May Avenue and mom took a job as a waitress at the Cattlemen’s Steakhouse in the Stockyards.    The Cattlemen’s Steakhouse is still open today and is touted as Oklahoma’s Oldest Continually running restaurant.

As with any young couple things are tight in the beginning.   Dad had a group of friends that have ended up being family friends for both my parents lives.  The Wilsons (Ray and Emma; Jim and Anita), the Leaver and Hoster’s.   This group of friends circled mom and dad with the support they needed.  All have their own stories. 

My middle name is from his best friend Ray.   He lived with Ray and Emma for years before he and mom met.  They were the family we lived with years later when we returned to Oklahoma City in 1976.  They always had plenty of pets.   Poodles and Siamese cats were always a memory from those days. Emma was an old school cook, and she always boiled chicken and shredded it for the dogs.   It was always a running joke everyone wanted to come back as her dog.  Emma’s mother was the first person I personally knew that lived to 100 years of age.

Jim and Ray Wilson were brothers.  Jim’s wife Anita used to cut hair in her garage for extra money.  Ray and Jim’s mother lived in a trailer in Jim’s backyard for many years.  Mom got pregnant with me shortly after Anita gave birth to her son Curtis (Curt as we know him).  Mom used some of Anita’s maternity clothes while she was pregnant with me.   Anita was the last friend from Oklahoma City living other than mom when we went back four years ago.   We had not seen each other in years, and it was the last time we would ever see each other.   I was blessed to be able to take mom on that trip.   It was a picture from that dinner that I had printed on glass of mom and me.

The Leavers were also friends of my dad’s from the steel mills.  Mr. Leaver had cancer or something serious wrong with him.  I can’t remember what it was.  I know his wife Ernestine was from somewhere in Chili, South America.   Mom and Dad took them to New Orleans so he could be treated at Oshners which is the Mayo Clinic of the South.   Ernestine ended up living in Magnolia where mom was from for many years.  I remember her working at Kroger’s and us going over to her house to see her and her grandson who I believe now has a high up position at Tyson.

Bill Hoster was my dad’s boss at the steel mill.   I just knew him as Mr. Hoster all my life.   For years mom said he was my dad (because he sent mom and dad on the trip where she got pregnant).  Good thing I look just like my mom and dad or that might have created some confusion years later having two daddies right?  Mr. Hoster played some big roles in my life too.  I used to mow his lawn as a teenager for money, then mom and I would go eat a nice meal at my favorite restaurant Applewoods.    I remember going to work with Dad through the years when I was younger and it was there I saw my first computer, and it had punch tape that it ran on.  Who knew years later that’s the industry I’d be working in.   I worked for Oklahoma Steel cleaning ditches and picking up in the summers as a young teen, then eventually I went to work in the machine shop making nuts, bolts, turning rolls and learning what real labor was.

Mom and dad lived a short time in Oklahoma City, from the last week of December, 1963 through 1965 shortly after I was born.    Just like today I was early.  I was supposed to be born in December but being impatient I decided to come in early November.   Dad was bowling on a league at Meridian Lanes and mom just thought she had a bad case of gas.  They went home and eventually she told dad she needed to go to the hospital.   The man who had impeccable sense of direction and never got lost, nearly didn’t find Capital Hill Hospital where mom was supposed to go.  They got to the hospital shortly before midnight and within an hour I was born.  I guess I was too much for this little hospital because they closed it a month later.

I was a struggle right from the start.   In my first few months I had double pneumonia. Mom and dad had to take shifts watching me for fear I’d stop breathing.   The selflessness of both my parents was apparent in the first few months of my life.

Dad had a job offer in California in 1965.  Mom and dad would move to California that summer. 

Memorial Day Mash Up

Well I said there would be some days I wrote about current day.  This post is a mash up of the Memorial Day weekend since I haven’t written in a while. 

Yesterday (May 25, 2020) marks a year since I found Lucky the Guinea Pig in Vereen Park.   She got to celebrate with some Bamboo on the swing outside.  It’s hard to believe it’s been a full year since I found her.   I brought her home with the thought of re-homing her, but mom was down in the floor and found her so fascinating that before long she became the newest member of the family.

Each morning I try and have a walk in Vereen Park behind the house, most mornings I get 5 miles in.  I start off with a nice view of the Sunrise over the Intra Coastal Waterway (when it’s not rainy or cloudy). Then I visit with my buddy Kathy in Maine talking about anything and everything and sometimes nothing at all.   I will post some of the pictures from this weekend on the post today.

We are also sprucing up the front yard / patio.  We have hauled in pea gravel by the bag load (37 of them so far) and putting up a new retaining wall from where Stefan leveled out the yard.   When the wall is completed, we will move the picnic table and umbrella back.  We will then work on the other side with the bench swing.  It won’t be long until it’s too hot to be outside working.  But it’s nice to have a place to sit in the evenings.

 

Tammy Bellamy from Hospice came by this weekend and dropped off a nice card and Hydrangea in memory of mom.  She also brought the kiddos (Mandy and Josie) treats and toys.  We sat in the swing and chairs out front and visited for a while.  She said that COVID had not really impacted them as much as one might think.  They restricted visits to houses to the nurse and aides only, and the Tammy can still go to the hospitals to get admissions into Hospice started.   She told me the letter I sent was sent way up the chain and they so appreciated me writing it.      She told me each year there is a dinner for the families, and they have pictures and stories of the care they provided.  She said it’s generally in the October/November time frame and asked if I’d share a picture of mom for that dinner. 

Well that’s all the excitement from the weekend…  Till the next post.

Paris

I’ve told myself I was going to start writing down my memories of mom.  There are so many memories in life it’s hard to know where to start.   So why not start where it begins for me.   I can work my way through life and flash back to stories well before my time I was told and even into the current day.   There are really no rules since it’s more for me than anyone else.

Mom and Dad met in 1963 when dad was working in the Steel Mill in Magnolia where mom is from.   He would come into the restaurant she worked at and eventually they started dating.    Dad was going to return to Oklahoma City for his job at Oklahoma Steel and had to be there shortly after Christmas.  They had planned to get married and mom was going to go to Oklahoma City with dad.    1963 was a pretty turbulent year as President Kennedy had been shot a month before.

Back in the 60’s it was not uncommon to require blood tests prior to marriage.  Mom and Dad were planning to get married in Arkansas, but a Snowstorm had other ideas.   In Texas the requirement for a Marriage License was less; and you could get it the day you get married.  Mom and dad struck out for Oklahoma City and planned to stop in Texas and get married by a Justice of the Peace.   There is a town named Paris on the way to Oklahoma City.  

Mom and Dad decided to get married there, it was Christmas Eve and she told me that the Justice of Peace had put back a few cocktails before they got there.  Mom said she often wondered if they were really married since the JP was quite toasted.  Then she said the longer they were married, the more she realized they were most certainly married.

So on with the weather report.   I remember mom telling me they had a foot of snow.  I had to do a little research on the internet; and sure, enough there is an article on the Magnolia Reporter stating “This Day in History” Dec 22-23, 1963 Magnolia received a foot of snow and some parts in Southeast Arkansas received 15-16 inches of snow.  So, mom’s story panned out.

Mom and dad didn’t have a lot of money when I was growing up.  Of course, to a kid we could have been rich for all I knew, I had everything I needed.    I remember all my life I could brag that my parents were married in Paris.   Of course, I’d conveniently leave out Texas (as least for a few minutes).

The Christmas Season (Thanksgiving to New Year’s) has always been somewhat special for our family of three.   The anniversary on Christmas Eve, then Christmas Day, Dad’s Birthday then New Years.  We couldn’t always spend those days together, but we always tried.  We’ve had some great experiences over the holidays through the years.  We went to Mexico City, we took a River Boat Cruise up the Mississippi and watched them light sculptures on the banks on Fire so Papa Noel could find their homes (a South Louisiana thing).     But what I loved the most, was being at home with the two people who loved me more than they loved themselves.

I was not alive when this story started.   But I’ve heard it so many times through my life.  It’s where it all started for me.  It was a new life for mom and dad.   Within a year I’d surprise them with my arrival.

What Wonderful Memories While Working

I am so fortunate to have a job that keeps me traveling. With that travel comes the perks of Frequent Flyer Miles, Motel Points and some pretty neat places you’d never think to travel to, until you get an assignment.

What makes me think of these is when I was thinking back on the many trips my mom packed up a bag; and tagged along with me. Of course, using my frequent flyer miles and picking up her own meal costs. We could have never afforded these trips if it had not been for me being sent to some really great places. It's the best part of my job.

I have counted 20 places mom as joined me at through the past 22 years. Some of the places she visited more than once; because they were driving distance from her house and she would come just to see me. Each trip has some memory that stands out. I plan to write my stories of these trips down as some are quite funny, others have great adventures, and all of them have wonderful memories attached.

We have seen New England Fall Foliage; New York City before and after 9/11; taken a Hot Air Balloon over Amish country; experienced a Frozen Niagara Falls; watched snow fall on Cherry Blossoms in DC; taken side trips to Death Valley and the Grand Canyon; drank Cuban Coffee on South Beach and drove the Florida Keys to Key West.

She has joined me when I was being held Hostage in Mississippi (during a hurricane no less); tagged along to a conference at Opryland in Nashville; attended opening of a Heart and Stroke Center; and got treated to a Country Club Dinner Celebration for a huge Go-Live. She has joined me at dinners with customers that became friends, some so nice they put the napkins in your lap, and others where we ate family style.

Some trips came with the ability to cross International Borders both North and South (Canada & Mexico). Others came with trips to the Emergency Room (Little Rock when I had to catch Strep Throat). Then there are trips when she scared the hell out of me traveling in torrential rains, while lost in Louisiana.

These memories are what’s been carrying me through. As I think back on them, it reminds me of how much she enjoyed life, and just how much we made of those years together. There are far more trips that had nothing to do with work. We have flung to the far reaches of world, from London to Japan; Canada to the Caribbean; Alaska to Mexico City.

She’s taken trips without me on her own using motel points. She had Stefan take her to Branson and showed him Northwest Arkansas without me. She would tell me how wonderful the rooms were, and how much fun she had.

It’s hard to be sad when you look back at what a Wonderful Life we were blessed to have together.

In the months ahead I look forward to thinking about these wonderful adventures with each other as I write them down for myself.  Titles of possible posts are....

• Northampton, MA (Fall Foliage)
• Gulfport, MS (Good Conversation)
• Newark, NJ (Spanish Tavern, Manhattan Tour, Argentinian Boyfriend)
• Washington, DC (Blossom Festival in Snow)
• Ephrata, PA (Hot Air Balloon)
• Niagara Falls, ON (Frozen Falls)
• Miami, FL  (Key West)
• Pascagoula, MS  (Hostage Situation)
• New Orleans, LA (Roll on Mississippi)
• Memphis, TN
• Little Rock, AR (Strep Throat, Presidential Library)
• Baton Rouge, LA (Lost in Torrential Rains)
• Lafayette, LA (Avery Island, Slidell Trip)
• Lufkin, TX  (Heart Center Opening)
• Tyler, TX (Come and get me…)
• McAllen, TX  (Country Club)
• Las Vegas, NV (Wine in the Afternoon)
• Las Vegas, NV (Day trips to Death Valley & Grand Canyon)
• Bend, OR (Quitting Smoking, Crater Lake and Coastal Drive)
• Seattle, WA (Vancouver - Stanley Park / Seattle Sight Seeing)
• Nashville, TN (Gaylord Opryland Resort)

Painted Bunting Sighting #3

This morning on my daily walk I saw a beautiful bird on the trail.  This is the third day in a row I’ve seen this Painted Bunting.   They are so pretty, the first time I saw one at the house I thought someone had lost a pet parakeet or finch.   The colors are spectacular.    The first picture I took on the walk, the second is courtesy of the internet, so you can see the beautiful colors I saw.

The other day on my walk he was on the first island I cross, and I thought maybe it had a hurt wing.  It was walking and flew a slight distance to the bridge, then out into the marsh.  I was so hoping it was not injured.  Then yesterday I saw it again, same place, same time.   So, I knew it had made it.  This morning it was like I woke it up, he was just standing there waiting on me.   Stefan said I need to take it some seed each morning then it will look for me.  But then it might become tame and one of the visitors to the park might not be as gentle as I am.

Anyway, even without a sunrise this morning due to clouds, I had a nice splash of color.

Amedisys Hospice

I finally got around to writing my letter to Amedisys Hospice.   I have always been a believer in telling when someone has went above and beyond.  This team really stepped up when I needed them most.  Hopefully the letter will be delivered next week.

May 15, 2020

Jennifer Poston

Amedisys Hospice

391 Seaboard Street, Unit 6

Myrtle Beach, SC  29577

Jennifer:

I just wanted to take time and write you a letter and Thank You and your team for the services our family received from Amedisys Hospice back in November/December 2019.   My mother Juanell Dowty was certainly in need of more help than we could possibly provide her on our own.

My first contact with your team was with Tammy Bellamy in January 2019.  My mom was in the hospital with pneumonia and she met me outside my mom’s ICU room with a nurse to discuss the possibility of putting mom in Hospice.  It turned out mom and Stefan were not quite ready for that help, so we used your Home Health instead.     Fast forward to November 20 when mom took a significant turn for the worst.  I texted Tammy and she was on the phone with me within a few minutes.  We were coordinating with doctors to get things done.    I was in Ohio and Tammy took the reins and made things happen in about 24-36 hours.

Tammy brought Terry Peoples, RN out on a Friday night to admit my mom into the Hospice Program.  Terry was one of the kindest nurses you could ever ask for.   Mom was still holding to her dignity wanting to use the toilet, while Terry was here mom collapsed in my arms and I needed his help.  He showed such kindness to my mother, you could see in her eyes she truly trusted him.  After mom passed Terry gave me a personal call to express his sympathy which meant more than he will ever know.

As overwhelming as it was that first week your team surrounded us to help lift the burdens we were carrying unknowingly on our shoulders.  We received calls from the Chaplin, Social Worker, Volunteers and all the people that make your team within the first few days.   I remember the Tuesday meeting I attended right after mom was admitted seeing the faces that went with the names.  Quite honestly everyone on your team deserves a shout out about how great they are.

Diedra McDowell was our Hospice Aide that cared for mom.  She was so very gentle with my mom when she bathed her and cared for her personal needs.   Diedra was just as concerned for my well being too.  She saw how I was lifting mom and was concerned I’d hurt my back.  She showed me how to change a bed with a patient in it, how to move mom and not hurt myself.   Diedra may not realize it, but she actually lifted the biggest burden off my shoulders when she arrived.    I had been the one giving mom her showers, brushing her teeth and keeping her sheets changed.   Not only did she lift this burden; she helped be sure I was taking care of my health; she made sure we had supplies to care for mom (along with instructions).  My mom could not have felt more comfortable than in her gentle hands.

Janice Meininger, RN was our primary nurse.   There are no words that can explain the gratitude I have for this wonderful woman.   She was gentle, kind and compassionate.   She took time to explain things, sometimes multiple times, never making me feel bad about asking for anything.  I remember the day my mom passed I was holding her right hand, and Janice was with us.  Janice was holding her other hand, our two dogs that adored mom were right there in the bed; and Stefan was at her feet as mom gently passed away.  I had not been home two hours from a business trip to Alaska.  I believe mom waited for me to be there; but I also believe she waited for Janice too.   It was what was supposed to happen, having Janice there I knew there was nothing more I could have possibly done.  Had Janice not been there I would have always wondered if there was something I could or should have done.    The peace that left me with is something I could never repay.   And she was a Total Stranger a month before.

In the weeks and months following mom’s death I have continued to receive phone calls and letters from your team.    Jennifer Fuller has made sure to know I have someone to reach out to.  

The kindness from your team is beyond measure.  The advice is well thought out.  One of the other Jennifer’s Rigsbee, told me to get a baby camera for moms’ room.  Something so simple I had not thought about.  That baby camera allowed me to see mom while I was working at home and even at 30,000 feet flying from here to Alaska and back.   I was able to check in and not disturb anyone.

I knew Hospice was a great program for patients.   But I certainly have a new appreciation for what the program brings to the family members and close friends of a patient.

During the COVID-19 Pandemic that is going on right now, your team has been on my mind heavily.  I can’t imagine what your team is having to deal with.  The extra precautions, caring for the population that is at the highest risk.   I sincerely hope and wish everyday your team is safe.

With Greatest Gratitude,

Bennie Dowty   

10 Years

I have decided that I wanted to write some of the memories of mom down.  It’s been 10 years this month since I last wrote on my blog.  I didn’t really write it that long, but so glad those thoughts are still out there.  Looking back at them brings me happiness, it reminds me of what I was thinking then; along with some very good memories of my life in general.

I’m pretty sure nobody will ever see this blog since I’m not really advertising it.   Just a way for me to deal with the biggest loss in my life; the loss of my last living parent; my Beautiful mom.  Loosing dad was really tough, but Mom was there to help me through it.  I never considered what a loss that had to be for her too, she had already lost both her parents, and now her husband.

Looking back at the things I wrote all those years ago, I found a beautiful post where I talked about what was in my iPod at the time.   And how the song “Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me” always made me think of my mom.   I read that I had written it in a card years before.  Funny to this day that song is one of my favorites and I was so glad to read that I had shared it with mom.   I found printed versions of my blog at mom’s house in her drawer.   I know she loved to read them as it was a part of her son. 

I think the saddest part of this healing, is knowing that I never gave mom grandchildren to remember her beyond me.  I’m OK with when I’m gone, memories fading of me.   But my mom was a special person, and if I live another 30-35 years then I will be the one taking some of the last memories of her with me.   There are a few cousins younger, and some of their kids that might have a few memories of her.

I hope by writing some of my memories of my mom, then when my memory starts fading, I can come back and read how I felt.  Some of the stories we shared together, and the memories we made.  If nothing else, I know I have been blessed beyond measure to have had both of my parents.  To be honest I have a great family unit even as broken as we might seem to the outside.    I also have some dear friends that help me carry the burdens life loads on our backs.   I consider myself one of the luckiest people on the planet.

Mom’s Lesson on Getting a Loan

With mom’s passing being a little over five months back she is still so on my mind.  There are so many stories, trips and lessons she taught me.   I think it’s time I write them down while they are still fresh in my mind.   At some point they will fade.  Having them written down hopefully I’ll still be able to look back on them and smile.

Around 1981 I was 17 and had already enjoyed almost 2 years with my first car that I paid cash for.  It was a little Maroon 1973 MG Midget.   I needed a new car and mom was going to take me and teach me how to get a loan.  

So, she packed me up and took me to Capitol Hill State Bank in Oklahoma City where she banked.   We filled out the paperwork, and then loan agent called us back.   He explained to her that he would have given her a loan for anything else, but he would not give her a loan for me to have a car.  His excuse was I was underage.  Mom had enough money in a CD to cover the loan, she was going to co-sign to start building my credit.  

Well this did not sit well with mom, so she proceeded to pull out her checkbook register and told him the dollar figure she wanted pulled out of her checking account (which was more than the loan she was asking for).   She then closed her account and put the money in her purse.  It was a Saturday morning so not all banks were open.  She took me to a Savings and Loan and she walked in and told them she wanted to know if they would let her co-sign for a loan for me to get a car.  They said they would.  She opened her purse, pulled out her money (way more than she should have been carrying) and opened a new account.    We got the loan; I got my car.

Mom took her CD when it came due and moved the money out of that bank.  She also had friends who had a business account at the bank.   She told them about this, and they moved much more money that we had out of that bank.    I know it was not our paltry money that made the bank go bankrupt, but a few years later they were out of business.  I would say it had more to do with the service they provided.

Mom always said she didn’t intend to teach me the lesson she taught me.  And she often wondered if she taught me the right lesson.  Funny years later I used that lesson with a credit union that did the same thing, didn’t want to loan me money to refinance my car (interest rates had dropped significantly, I wanted a shorter loan to pay off faster at a lower rate).   I took my lesson, pulled all but $5 out of savings, moved my money elsewhere.   Oh, and I got that loan at a lower rate by they way.   To this day I have my account with them with $5 in savings.   They mail me a statement every month (30 years later).   I hold a grudge better than mom did.    But I have given in and use their Visa Credit card, but I pay it off monthly, so I don’t have to pay them interest. 

Mom told me not too long before she died, I might want to give up that grudge.  I smiled and said no way, you taught me this.